Third Grade Vocabulary Words and Example Sentences


My eight-year-old son asked me to help him with example sentences for his vocabulary words. I think I may have caused further confusion with the following sentences. He eventually created his own examples and submitted them.

—launch, v, to throw or propel with force; hurl.

“The mechanical bull launched Jimmy into the wall of horseshoes.”

—double, adj, twice as much in size, strength, number, or amount.

“Steve experienced double vision after being hit on the head with a frozen ferret.”    Ferret

—plunge, v, to thrust or throw forcefully into a substance or place.

“Troy plunged his hand into the public toilet to retrieve the mood ring.”

—tractor, n, a vehicle having a powerful gasoline or diesel motor and usually large, heavily treaded rear tires, used especially for pulling farm implements or machinery.

“The chimpanzee lost control of the tractor in the graveyard, causing monkey mayhem and chaos by plowing down mourners and headstones.”

—single, adj, not accompanied by another or others; solitary.

“The bar was full of single guys like Clay, seeking partners to engage in long, exciting sessions of Scrabble™.”

“The single most erotic thing Dave owned was his collection of Gumby memorabilia.”

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Toe Jumps and Camel Spins: The Susan and Todd Story

Susan and Todd skating


Susan and Todd believe in love at first sight.

“That might sound strange considering how long it took Todd to notice me,” Susan said. “Sure, we were skating partners throughout college, but I wanted to take our relationship to the next level.”

So Susan surprised Todd during the couple’s most important skating competition: the Oktoberfest Leap for the Peaks Skating Extravaganza in Salt Lake City, Utah.

“After sampling several steins of the local ale, I decided to make a bold move,” Susan said. “I modified my costume just before we skated out to begin our program.” Susan gently places her hand on Todd’s thigh. Todd lovingly touches her hand with his fingertips and nudges it away.

“Yes, the little vixen had removed her panties and was completely nude under her dress,” Todd said. “I lifted her above my head, looked up, and found myself peering into Squaw Valley. I must say, I’d never seen anything like it, but I was intrigued by the view.”

Although Todd was visibly shaken during the program and Susan inebriated, the couple won the competition with perfect scores despite numerous falls that left Susan splay-legged on the ice and the judges howling with approval. The other competitors filed a protest, citing the judges’ overt display of drunkenness, masturbation, and high-fives. The judges refused to consider the objection.

Inspired by the sight of Susan’s fun hatch, Todd created many of the couple’s most memorable panty-less skating routines, including “Clit for Tat,” “Poon River,” and “Labia Lullaby.” Though critically acclaimed by skating professionals, the routines were not so readily accepted by family audiences.

Susan shows her skating talent


“I think we were ahead of our time,” Susan said. “But I was proud to suffer for my art, my sport, my artistic sport.” Susan hesitates, composes herself, lifts her head and continues, “Some nights it was so cold, I skated with two pairs of chapped lips.”

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Visiting the Easter Bat

Easter Bat

It has become a yearly tradition (at least this year) to round up the neighborhood kids and take them to visit the Easter Bat.

At sunset, we hiked deep into the woods and gathered outside the dark cave to wait for the flying mammal’s arrival. In the darkness, the children mused about what the Easter Bat might bring. Some children suggested eggs and candy, but I reminded them only a fucking rabbit would do that. Now think! What kind of gifts do you think a bat will bring? The sniffling, crying group could think of nothing else. Well, I guess that’s what they’ll get.

After waiting around for a half hour or so in the night chill, some the kids wanted to go home, especially the ones who had not told their parents where they were going. I suggested that a few of the kids should go into the cave and see if they could roust the bat out. A few brave amateur spelunkers did just that—three dashing in, two running out in terror surrounded by a cloud of Easter Bats spilling out of the cave and followed by the lumbering form and loud roar of the Easter Bear (with part of the missing tyke on his paw).

The group scattered, filling the woods with the Easter sounds of terrifying shrieks. I decided to rush home and watch The Family Guy. I can’t wait until the coming of the Leaping Lesbian Lizards of Labor Day (Number 4)

Walking with Dinosaurs in Alabama

Walking with Dinosaurs in Alabama

The family and I went to Birmingham, Alabama, in 2009 to watch “Walking with Dinosaurs.” We heard two kids were killed at a previous show, so we anticipated an exciting night. Everybody wore old clothes because I expected dinosaur smell would get on everything.

The show was ok, but I kind of expected more. There were a few surprises however:

-I didn’t expect the Brachiosaurus to take a huge crap in the middle of the arena. I don’t think the emcee expected it either, he seemed kind of embarrassed, especially when he almost slipped in it. They had to go to a 40-minute intermission to clean it up. The smell was horrendous.

-All the dinosaur sex (and it was supposed to be a family show!)

-No one was killed, but they did let a live chicken loose on the arena floor where it proceeded to squawk and run around. It was kind of funny until one of the dinosaurs stepped on it, then it was hilarious. The emcee grabbed the still twitching chicken carcass, held it above his head, and let the blood drip into his mouth. That part was a little creepy.

-The special Dancing With Dinosaurs segment featuring Cloris Leachman, who actually raised some of the creatures as pets.

-Also, it was a bit surprising when Jesus came riding out on the Torosaurus.

All in all, a fun night, with memories for a lifetime.