Toe Jumps and Camel Spins: The Susan and Todd Story

Susan and Todd skating

 

Susan and Todd believe in love at first sight.

“That might sound strange considering how long it took Todd to notice me,” Susan said. “Sure, we were skating partners throughout college, but I wanted to take our relationship to the next level.”

So Susan surprised Todd during the couple’s most important skating competition: the Oktoberfest Leap for the Peaks Skating Extravaganza in Salt Lake City, Utah.

“After sampling several steins of the local ale, I decided to make a bold move,” Susan said. “I modified my costume just before we skated out to begin our program.” Susan gently places her hand on Todd’s thigh. Todd lovingly touches her hand with his fingertips and nudges it away.

“Yes, the little vixen had removed her panties and was completely nude under her dress,” Todd said. “I lifted her above my head, looked up, and found myself peering into Squaw Valley. I must say, I’d never seen anything like it, but I was intrigued by the view.”

Although Todd was visibly shaken during the program and Susan inebriated, the couple won the competition with perfect scores despite numerous falls that left Susan splay-legged on the ice and the judges howling with approval. The other competitors filed a protest, citing the judges’ overt display of drunkenness, masturbation, and high-fives. The judges refused to consider the objection.

Inspired by the sight of Susan’s fun hatch, Todd created many of the couple’s most memorable panty-less skating routines, including “Clit for Tat,” “Poon River,” and “Labia Lullaby.” Though critically acclaimed by skating professionals, the routines were not so readily accepted by family audiences.

Susan shows her skating talent

 

“I think we were ahead of our time,” Susan said. “But I was proud to suffer for my art, my sport, my artistic sport.” Susan hesitates, composes herself, lifts her head and continues, “Some nights it was so cold, I skated with two pairs of chapped lips.”

After making disparaging comments about Dick Button and Dorothy Hamill (implying that Button and Hamill were involved in the Nancy Kerrigan assault and Nicole Simpson murder), Susan and Todd were ostracized by the skating community.

“That’s the best thing that ever happened to us,” Todd said. “I was free to push the skating envelope in a creative direction that really excited me and away from Susan’s chapped cat flaps.”

Todd then created the Leather and Ice Revue, an S & M bondage spectacular on ice, featuring an all-male skating ensemble starring Susan as the skating drag queen, Hildegarde. After fifteen years, the show is still performed today at the Adult Movie Awards and a few other venues, including Living in Leather conventions and Republican fundraisers. When not performing, Susan and Todd manage an ice skating rink at the local mall.

When asked about the secret to their longevity as a couple, Susan said, “I do believe it’s fate. Though we’re not technically “married” or “living together” and Todd shares a one-bedroom bachelor apartment with the lead male skater in the Leather and Ice show, Scott Hamilton, I do believe we are meant to be together forever.”

A smitten Todd added, “I don’t think so.”

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